Sunday, November 23, 2008

Where's Mr. Liberal/Change Obama Now


Come on Obama - nothing like a politician turning back on his empty promises before he even hits the office. As a very openly Republican lesbian, it shouldn't surprise me that Obama has so quickly repressed his on again off again support of LGBT issues. Holding out on even addressing the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy? I vaguely remember listening to months of debates, press conferences and commercials promising "change."


You won the American people with your passion and charisma - to keep them, you'll have to follow through - even if your "changes" meet some resistance.

Clinton as Secretary of State?

Surprisingly I wouldn't oppose Hillary Clinton as secretary of state. After the drama and negativity of the entire election process, I developed a new respect for Clinton and her stance on most issues. As a rare gay Republican - I may have actually voted on the Democratic lines if Hillary had been a choice.

Her views make sense. Although she is pro-choice, she supports finding alternate methods of decreasing the necessity of abortions, rather than aggressively encouraging abortion as an answer to "unwanted" pregnancy. She has a long standing record of supporting LGBT issues. She is liberal and open-minded but not in the socialist way Obama trends towards.


So, hopefully Clinton finds her way into the new government. And with any luck, she'll have a positive influence on the Obama presidency and the future of this country. So - cankles or not - go Hillary.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Does Everything Happen For A Reason?

I have always lived by the ideal that "everything happens for a reason." Unfortunately, it's this concept that's currently making my most recent decisions difficult. I feel like I really should be ready to change jobs - but the signs keep pointing against it. The money isn't adding up - the shifts aren't fitting like they should - staying where I am is beginning to look like the best option.

So, perhaps I will find the happy medium. Maybe I'll let this opportunity pass me by and it will turn out to have been a huge mistake. Or alternately I could take the chance and end up losing a lot. Hopefully an answer comes along - I'm sure it will.

Friday Fill-Ins (A few hours after Friday)

1. The last band I saw live was Matchbox 20. 2. What I look forward to most on Thanksgiving is a nap! (if you don't celebrate thanksgiving, insert your favorite holiday)3. My Christmas/holiday shopping is yet to begin.4. Thoughts of job changes, moving and change fill my head.5. I wish I could wear a bikini.6. Bagpipes are funny.7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to not being in charge! tomorrow my plans include visiting Doug to see how much more hair I can talk him into cutting off and Sunday, I want to SLEEP!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Metathesiophobia - As Talks Become Reality

Metathesiophobia: Fear of change. Yep, that's me. I've been in a slight state of denial since I initiated this job change thought process many months ago. It's been something to talk about, something I may do, a good idea. But today it became a reality - I have officially accepted a position - with a start date and all. December 1st. Of course, I am now in the midst of a tornado of self doubt and questions. While two weeks ago I was certain this was exactly what I needed to do, today I'm full of what ifs, anxiety and fear. I'd venture as far as to call my feelings normal but I assure you they are far from typical for me.

Not to mention the forced acknowledgement of the resistance I am about to subject myself to. As all change is difficult and the new job will be a new program, I expected resistance. I've now seen, in true written word, that the resistance is real, tangible - and though it may be based on unrealistic reasons and a sort of mob thought process misconception - I'm sure it will persist for a while. 

And of course, the sudden realization that in a little over a week I will be sending my 2 year old to daycare for the first time. That's another post all together. 

If we can recognize that change and uncertainty are basic principles, we can greet the future and the transformation we are undergoing with the understanding that we do not know enough to be pessimistic. (Hazel Henderson)


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Delusions of Order

Occasionally, I have parenting moments where I realize that certain things my parents always did were not as easy as they made it look. I never remember them being exasperated or stressed on my birthday - the treats for school, the presents, the little things - always seemed to fall into place. Hopefully I am able to give my children the same memories - the same delusions of order. 

The Inconvenient Truth of Night Shift


I would definitely label myself as a night owl. I've never been so great at waking up early, functioning in the morning - and night shift has seemed to fit very well into my life and personality for the last 5 years. I love my job, I love my shift, the people I work with . I spent a few months doing the day shift thing a few years back and it was... enlightening. The job is different. People everywhere. Noise. Commotion. Family members. Doctors. Residents. Medical students. Managers. Administration. Physical therapists. Pharmacists. Dietary. EVERYONE is there during the day. Night shift is calmer, things go smoothly - there's more autonomy. 

So, I've been denying it for the last 5 years... putting it off - ignoring the fact that just as every study and medical professional will tell you - night shift is bad for your body. I was off for a weekend - still had work related things to do - a certification course out of town. And I didn't sleep much, spent too much time out - but the point was, I did it on a day shift schedule. 

Despite my very little sleep - I was able to function all weekend - fairly well. Then, much to my surprise - I was somewhat productive on Monday. And Tuesday. And Wednesday. All week. Usually I spend the first half of my week recovering from the weekend of night shift; transitioning back to a normal sleep schedule. For the last few years my most productive day (cleaning, laundry, basics...) has been Thursday - I recover just in time to switch back to night mode.

So, as much as I resist all forms of change - and as much as I will miss my current job and the people I work with - perhaps this job change will be the best thing that I've done in a long time. Maybe it's time to join the non-nocturnal world - where stores, doctors offices and banks will all be open during my waking hours. Who knows - in a year I may be that person who wakes up 2 hours earlier than I have to just to enjoy the morning, some coffee and a newspaper? Nah, let's not get crazy - in a year I'll still roll out of bed 10 minutes before I have to leave in the morning, look in the mirror and be thankful I have short hair and don't wear makeup.

Certifiable

So the new job has this long list of certification requirements. A few basics that I've already done - and then the rest. So I get to spend 5 hours on both Tuesday and Wednesday this week to be certified - ACLS for this course (which I let lapse, so requires 2 nights instead of one). The classes always amuse me a bit. They change every few years depending on whatever research somebody published most recently. 

And of course, they're usually taught by education professionals in the healthcare field. Many of them have been in numerous situations they're teaching about - but some haven't. The process of certification is kind of amusing to me. I can memorize anything - but that doesn't really mean I can do it. So I'm in the process of becoming a hypocrite to my own mantra: the best nurses are not always the ones that look best on paper. So in a few months I get to be a letter nazi too - just call me:

Nikki: RN, BSN, BLS, ACLS, PALS, IHTLS, PHRN, CCRN

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

When It Rains, It Pours

I know it really isn't the world's way of making my life more difficult - but on an already not so great day, I actually laughed at myself when I heard the news that there had been a fire at the Metro Center - and Sushi Popo was damaged. Not a big thing, really - and should have no effect on me whatsoever. Except, I am a creature of habit - to an extreme. And I have gone to Sushi Popo every single Thursday night for dinner for almost a year. At the moment I am absolutely convinced that the most recent Metro Center fire is the world's attempt to hammer home the concept of "When it rains, it pours."

And now I'll stop whining and be more mature and say - I'm glad nobody was hurt. I hope the business owners are able to get things up and running again soon.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Methodical Monday Meditations (aka Lists!) music to overdo...

music (current songs i'm overplaying) 
¬ 

White Horse (Taylor Swift) 
Let It Rock (Kevin Rudolf) 
Details in the Fabric (Jason Mraz) 
I'd Rather Be With You (Joshua Radin) 
A Beautiful Mess (Jason Mraz) 
You Don't Know Me (Ben Folds & Regina Spektor) 
Entwined (Jason Reeves)

Sunday, November 16, 2008

If Tomorrow Never Comes?




I am acutely aware of my own mortality. I am involved in people's deaths on a very regular basis - sometimes, because it's time for them to go - other times, the reasons are harder to comprehend. Death, even in its most natural of circumstances is a hard concept for most people to comprehend. And when the unexpected is to fault for death's early appearance - people's reactions range an entire spectrum of emotions.

All I know is that I go to work for a 12+ hour shift. We generally spend every moment trying to prolong the lives of 12 random people - 12 hours at a time. Every once in a while I come home with a new awareness of how truly unknown the future is.

So while my world may seem overwhelmingly stressful: trying to figure out how to raise 3 kids - maintain my sanity, drive the right child to the right place, what to feed them, how to dress them, that homework is done and teeth brushed - instead of the headache that usually begins right around bedtime - what I should be doing is realizing that there are people all around me who don't have these moments... to use a work quote - you should live each moment as if it were your last because any one of us could go to sleep tonight and "wake up dead..." 

If today was my last day on this earth, with these people - would I regret the last thing I said to someone? Or the things I left unsaid?

Friday, November 14, 2008

Friday Fill-Ins

1. Please feel free to do my dishes? 
2. When I use white out I can't help sniffing it occasionally.
3. My favorite thing to cook is NOTHING!
4. Sushi is something I can't get enough of.
5. That's the thing I love most about abmiguity.
6. My ex always makes me think to myself, what the heck?
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to saving lives, tomorrow my plans include not enough sleep and Sunday, I want to try to hang with the kids with absolutely no sleep!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Haylie Ann


CIMG5881b&w
Originally uploaded by Fergie1979

A baby is God's opinion that life should go on.” (Carl Sandburg)

Regardless of the circumstances surrounding a new baby - the birth itself seems to - if only momentarily - cause a neutrality, a calm - a truce to all prior conflicts and petty indifferences.

So, this is our peacekeeper for the moment: Haylie. Born at my favorite time: 11:11 on November 12th - weighing in at an impressive 9 pounds 6.5 ounces.

And when the calm passes and reality returns - Kayla will be a great mom both despite and because of the circumstances.

Monday, November 10, 2008

ABC's Executive Homophobes Strike Again

ABC's Executive Homophobes Strike Again

I would venture to say that ABC's most recent anti-gay move will cost it the remaining gay/lesbian viewers that were hanging on. Your official statement is offensive - no chemistry? How about too much chemistry? Too close to reality for your "fits in a box" ideals? Way to perpetuate the stereotypes and hatred. Perhaps you should ban the lesbian episodes? Join the ranks of PBS and the Forsaken "Buster Bunny" episodes that so forwardly mentioned "2 moms" and found itself lost in a vault. Thanks for the steps backwards.

P.S. Brooke Smith did an exceptional job in this role. She is an incredible actress and while she may not fit the standard anorexic Barbie Doll figure that the media so adamantly perpetuates - Dr. Hahn was hot - the role, the character, the plot and the scenes were incredibly sexy, realistic, mature and without the usual sleezy undertones.

from ew.com:

Exclusive: 'Grey's Anatomy' Discharges Dr. Hahn


Nov 3, 2008, 06:07 PM | by Michael Ausiello

Brace yourselves, Grey's Anatomy fans: The show has parted ways with a female doc who is blond, beautiful, outspoken – and not Katherine Heigl. It's Brooke Smith. As in Dr. Erica Hahn. As in one half of Callica, Grey's first-ever significant gay couple. And that's only part of the story. I'm told this was not Shonda Rhimes' decision but rather an order that came down from the network. According to one Grey's source, the suits "had issues" with both the explicit direction Callica was taking (think: undiscovered country, south of the border, etc.) and, more importantly, with the Hahn character in general. Basically, they didn't like her and wanted her gone ASAP. But how soon? And what does this mean for Callica? Keep yourselves braced, because the shocks don't stop in the following Q&A with the sublime Ms. Smith. She deserves better treatment than this, and next go-round, here's hoping she gets it. UPDATE: A statement from Rhimes in response to this story appears at the end of the Q&A.

AUSIELLO: What the hell happened?!
BROOKE SMITH: I was very excited when they told me that Erica and Callie were going to have this relationship. And I really hoped we were going to show what happens when two women fall in love and that they were going to treat it like any heterosexual couple on TV. And so I was surprised and disappointed when they just suddenly told me that they couldn't write for my character anymore. 

That's all they said? 
Yes. Frankly, it was you that warned me this might happen on the red carpet back in July. You said [sometimes networks get cold feet] with gay relationships. And I was so naive. I'm like, "It's 2008." But I'm starting to realize that not everyone feels the way I do. [Scroll down to watch our now-infamous exchange.]

Did you get the feeling that the story was making people nervous?
No. At work I had no sense of it. And more fans seemed to like it than not. I don't think I'm ever going to know [why this really happened].

When did you find out?
I found out in mid-September soon after shooting the monologue that aired last week where Erica has the revelation that she's gay. They even came down and told me it was a great scene -- one of the best they ever shot on the show. So I was really, really shocked. I was floored when they told me [I was being let go]. It was the last thing I expected. In fact, when they told me I asked, "When is this happening?" And they said, "The [next episode] is your last," which is the one that airs this Thursday. So it was very sudden.

Wait a second – your last episode is this Thursday? 
Yes.

How are you written out?
I'm not written out. My final scene is just me heading to my car. I honestly don't know what happens in the next episode. I heard not much. [Quick sidebar: This sheds new light on Mary McDonnell's arrival next week as a top cardiac doc. And if you're thirsting for some irony, there's this: Melissa George confirms that her incoming character will be bisexual.]

Who broke the news to you?
Shonda.

I'm hearing that this wasn't her decision, but rather ABC's.
You know, I have to tell you, I got that feeling. I don't know for sure, but it definitely seemed like [Shonda's] hands were tied. That was just my gut.

Did she seem upset?
She did seem upset. I wasn't having a very good week that week. I was like, "Oh, God, what is it with this business?!" And she said, "No, no, no. You are such a great actress. We love you." It seemed like some decision came down from above. It didn't feel like it was her.

What was Sara Ramirez's [Callie] reaction?
She was shocked. I'm the one who told her. It took her a few days to get back to me because she was surprised. It was surprising to everybody.

Were you happy with the direction the story line was taking?
You know, I was starting to get there, yeah. I was personally a little impatient with the gay panic, but it was more Callie's thing anyway. I think Dr. Hahn was sort of figuring it out.

What did you think about Callie going to Mark to get pointers on exploring the "undiscovered country"?
It was a little icky. If you're a women, don't you know how to please yourself? But they seemed to be okay with that one.

How are you doing with all this?
It's actually never happened to me before. But I never had a moment where I thought I did something wrong. I was just really surprised. I just moved my entire family to L.A., so it was kind of like, "What?" But for some reason I feel like I'm fine. I feel like I'm going to be okay.

Response from exec producer Shonda Rhimes: "Brooke Smith was obviously not fired for playing a lesbian. Clearly it's not an issue as we have a lesbian character on the show – Calliope Torres. Sara Ramirez is an incredible comedic and dramatic actress and we wanted to be able to play up her magic. Unfortunately, we did not find that the magic and chemistry with Brooke's character would sustain in the long run. The impact of the Callie/Erica relationship will be felt and played out in a story for Callie. I believe it belittles the relationship to simply replace Erica with 'another lesbian.' If you'll remember, Cristina mourned the loss of Burke for a full season."

Okay, Grey's fans. I'm guessing you have some strong opinions about Smith's ouster. Share them in the comments section below. But first, check out my aforementioned (and eerily prescient) interview with the actress from last July. 


http://ausiellofiles.ew.com/2008/11/brooke-smith-le.html

Methodical Monday Mediations (aka Lists!) Disney time...

films (favorite disney films) 
¬ 

Aladdin! 
Beauty and the Beast 
The Jungle Book 
Lion King 
Finding Nemo 
The Incredibles 
Toy Story

Sunday, November 9, 2008

PALS, Funky Monkeys and Drag Queens

So we went to the Quad Cities - technically for a work related reason. Took the PALS (pediatric advanced life support) course at Genesis Medical Center so I could officially be "certified" in something else. Granted, the pediatric spectrum is the frightening part of my upcoming career change. I've spent the last 5 years saving lives and watching death - but only in adults. Adults are supposed to die - kids are NOT. So - it's a bridge I will cross when I get to it - but I do at least want to feel like I'm prepared as much as I can be.

So of course after sitting in a class all day Friday - we had to spend some time out. And what better place to go in the Quad Cities than to a drag show? Granted, not exactly Chicago caliber - but add a few shots and it's great entertainment.

So - while it was a bit of a challenge to get up for the remainder of the course on Saturday - we passed without a problem and I am again certifiable. And we spent Saturday night first with some of Carrie's frighteningly liberal friends - nothing like a good interrogation to increase one's desire for alcohol - so we then met my cousin out in downtown Rock Island. He bought me some kind of monkey drink and that was the end of that. I slept the majority of the night in the bathroom - Thanks Jared! 

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Proposition 8: Why was it an option?



I'm not going to take the time to go into the long winded arguments for and against gay marriage. My question is: why was this left up to a vote? I don't believe such laws should be a matter of public opinion - rather a judicial and executive interpretation of constitutional laws.

1870: If the question of giving blacks the right to vote had been put to a popular vote, do you think the 15th amendment would exist?

1920: Would a popular vote have given women the right to vote? Or perhaps the same fearful homophobics who waste all their time and energy opposing gay marriage also believe women should be their property?

The civil rights movement, the end of women's suffrage - all of the socially progressive changes that were based on the mistreatment and denial of rights to PEOPLE - happened because of social activism led by a minority group - not a majority popular vote. 

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Here's Hoping

Regardless of the political affiliations we all have - and regardless of who any of us voted for - this election seemed to bring out the masses - people who generally sat in the background quietly spoke up, stood up, participated. The outcome is what it is. Perhaps the new interest in politics generated by this election can continue through the term. 

Emi's interest in this election and every issue around it was inspiring and very interesting to watch. While it may not have had the outcome she hoped for, I think the passion she put into it will continue on - and she learned more by her own interest than any Civics course could ever have taught her. Actually - I seem to have learned more by her interest than I ever cared to in Civics - partially due to her incessant political conversations - and partially because she casually forgot to turn off Headline News when she went to bed  - thereby subconsciously subjecting me to the days headlines over and over and over - as I attempted to sleep.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Of Course I Voted...

I made the great 10 minutes drive to vote surrounded by some elderly couples who had minor issues with the technology. I didn't have to wait and have no complaints, but I did truly feel sorry for some of the older folks there. It's unfortunate that after the 70+ years they've been voting, they have to be put on the spot and expected to adapt to technology just to vote. 

So, I voted - now I have the right to complain for the next four years if it doesn't go well! 


Monday, November 3, 2008

Sarah Palin - No political arguments, just simple observations!

Originally uploaded by Fergie1979

Sarah Palin campaign rally - Dubuque, IA 

November 3rd, 2008

I know by putting the name "Sarah Palin" in a post I risk starting a long winded and pointless debate - but I assure you this is not a political post. This is a generalized post that could have been applied to the alternative candidate just as easily.

In a society where the generations of the future are seemingly more interested in Facebook, text messages and all ways of avoiding direct communication, I felt obligated to support my 16 year old's devotion to the campaign, and specifically Sarah Palin. While her political views do actually closely mirror my own, I would have been just as inclined to support her interest in politics - regardless of the political party.

Though the drive to Dubuque was incredibly boring and the trip was too spontaneous for my likings, it was a once in a lifetime experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. I assumed that me actually seeing Sarah's speech was out of the question (we left at 9 am to drive 3 hours, waited 2.5 hours for Sarah to arrive) - somehow, a 16 year old, a 6 year old and a 2 year old all waited relatively patiently. Although the 2 year old fell asleep right before the speech began, he woke up about halfway through and joined the loudly cheering crowd.

I do not believe that it is our responsibility as parents to ensure our children have the same views and interests as us. We should ensure that they are raised with the ability to find all the information they need and be able to truly develop their own views and opinions. If, in the future, any of my children decide to develop views that oppose my own, I will wholeheartedly support their passion and willingness to stand up for what they believe in.   

Saturday, November 1, 2008

PSD 150 Redefines "Leaving Children Behind"

The 15 hours between this post and my most recent run-in with District 150 will at least make the post more reasonable - which may or may not be a good thing. It seems that I am not the only one who has had issues recently and unfortunately this has not been the only incident.

It seems that my six year old's school didn't think my job was going to be frightening enough for Halloween this year. As on every other Friday, my ex picks up Savannah on Fridays - therefore she goes to the latchkey program at the school. This has never been an issue before (and we are 3 months into the school year).

On this particular Friday I received a call at work from my ex stating that he was at the school to pick Savannah up and she was not there. This was about 5 p.m. (School gets out at 3:15). The school could come up with no explanation - only a latchkey attendant that stated Savannah didn't show up at latchkey. Of course, I immediately wanted to leave work - but instead decided to stay and use the multiple phone lines to call everyone I could. After many phone calls on both ends (including the school attempting to call the bus driver - who was unable to be reached, yet still not back to the bus barn) we learned that Savannah had ridden the bus to my house. Of course, nobody was home (although if the bus would have been anywhere near on time, her sister would have been home). A few more phone calls found Savannah at her father's neighbor's house. She had gotten off the bus at my house and found nobody home. So she walked (about half a mile) to her father's house - to also find an empty house. Luckily, she thought to go to his neighbor's house - who then called him. This was almost 5:30. The bus usually drops Savannah off at 3:45 (although they have been very inconsistent without explanation lately). So - she walked across very busy roads, in the late fall afternoon - from an empty house - to an empty house - without any adult being aware she was even missing. At age 6.

Of course, my initial reaction was to immediately pull her out of school and join the home-school club until I could get out of district. I believe I will settle down to driving her to school and picking her up every day and actively seeking a new house in a district that is not in Peoria. 

The explanation is a multitude of communication errors and a very poorly organized and run transportation system for the largest school system in Central Illinois. There have been complaints and problems and I'm sure many traumatized children and yet, nothing changes.

The sequence of events that led to Savannah's "adventure" was as follows:

Her class had a Halloween party so the kids were very rowdy with extra parents at the end of the day. When the teacher was calling names for latchkey, Savannah either didn't hear her name called or it wasn't called. When she raised her hand to tell the teacher, the teacher told all of the kids to put their hands down and be quiet - so, she did. 

She then got on the bus and made an attempt to tell the bus driver she shouldn't be on the bus. She said the bus driver was too busy talking to "the lady" and wouldn't listen. She then had multiple friends of hers on the bus attempt to tell the bus driver - they had the same results.

She got off the bus at her regular bus stop, scared and upset - thinking she was going to be in trouble. She eventually made it to an adult, but not without a lot of potential for really bad things to happen.

The latchkey people made no attempt to see where Savannah was, despite the fact that the latchkey fee had been paid in the morning and Savannah is always at latchkey on Fridays.

Again (multiple times), the transportation system had an issue with number of bus drivers so multiple bus routes were combined into one bus - making the bus very late (again, I say).

The school was unable to reach the bus driver to see if Savannah had ridden the bus because - "He didn't have a cell phone." And 2.5 hours after leaving the grade school, the bus still had not returned to the bus barn. 

This time, Savannah is okay - though frightened. She will not ride a District 150 again. As soon as possible, she will not attend a District 150 school again. I do not blame the teacher or the school - but the system is not safe. There are too many kids in too many classes on too few busses with not enough regulation. 

Savannah was not the first District 150 student with such an issue. And it was not our first issue with the bus. But it will be our last... and I hope the right people do something before a child is really missing, injured, kidnapped or killed.